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naughty wives want nsa Minneapolis St. Paul Though I'm no marriage counselor and certainly not a psychologist or therapist, I do know a bit about how people in conflict manage to transcend their disputes, transform their relationships, and find mutually satisfactory means of turning cross-purposes into shared values.
A close friend who is, like Stosny, a marriage counselor, tells me that women chronically complain that their husbands want to negotiate everything as if love and family were just another business transaction.
What he means by negotiation is how to make man do what you want - let's find a course of action we can both feel more or less okay about - which in real life results in both parties giving up what they really want say Hawaii this Spring for her or the winter holidays in Vail for him in favor of what neither of them want a car trip to Yosemite in the summer.
Stosny's error is the assumption that negotiation is a zero sum game and the couple's desires mutually exclusive.
Regardless of your stance on any specific behavior, always remember that you are negotiating with someone you love, who is more important to you than how to make man do what you want behavior request you want to make. It has been said that negotiation is the art of letting your bargaining partner have vip Verden dating your way.
But it's also the art of knowing and offering your decision partner exactly what they want as. I don't know why we use the cum in my mother of a cat to conjure up the million ways there are to satisfy our needs, but there is indeed more than one way to skin the poor creature.
When I hear from my friend the marriage counselor that women lament their husband's tendency to "negotiate," I know that they are unfamiliar with the process of interest-based negotiation outlined. He wants more sex and she less or vice verse. He wants to play poker with the guys and she wants to watch Masterpiece Theater.
He thinks it's ok to spank the kids and she believes it's jake abuse. She's had an affair and has promised to break off the relation but he hovers over her like a probation officer and it's threatening whatever chance they might have to heal and find a way to trust one another.
Rarely are domestic partners, spouses, or romantic entanglements dealing with behavioral trifles nor repeatedly grappling with disputes that can neatly be avoided by "putting more value on the relationship than the specific behaviors ma,e negotiation. Love is not a feeling.
Love is an action. The relationship is the "behavior" and conflict cannot be avoided by letting harmful behavior slide in the interest of harmony. It's work and work that is well worth doing.
In the meantime, you can get a good start down the path of effective negotiation by signing up for our Tuesday Muse and downloading our material on resourcing and negotiating your right value - so that you can take money off the table of your relationship challenges.
I am an attorney-mediator mesa massage san diego arbitrator.
I am also a principal in the She Negotiates Consulting and Training firm for which this blog is named. I also write for the For But let's start at ground zero.
Victoria Pynchon. Read More.